Hazardous Jeans

So I have this new pair of skinny jeans. They have these little rhinestones on the back pockets. When I saw then I thought, "Oh cute, bling for my butt." I guess the idea being similar to those skimpy little shorts that have words like 'juicy' or 'pink' on them; they attract the eye and perhaps make you think about that part of their body more than a plain pair of short or jeans would inspire?

(FYI, that is not my rear-end, way too skinny...)

Well let me tell you...these dang things are DANGEROUS! Perhaps I'm just lazy and drag-ass everywhere I go, but I dont know how many times I've nearly ripped a hole in something I was sitting on. Those little jewel-thingys are sharp! They catch on everything my voluptuous butt comes in contact with. Maybe if my back-end was as skinny as the model's in the picture I wouldn't be having these issues, but hey, I always thought my A$$ was one of my best features, I just wanted it to be all sparkly and decorated for the holidays. Why doesn't it get to partake in the fun?
Tinsel doesn't try to shank you if you touch it. Can I turn off the security system on these?

\m/