Someone stole my lunch from the company break room refrigerator today. Its odd how personal we take things sometimes. Especially since it was clearly marked with my name. I was busy working away while someone was snacking on delicious leftovers from JLs and knowing it belonged to someone else, and that they may not eat lunch today because of it.
Actually, it wasn't the fact that my lunch was stolen that really kind of put a damper on my day. It brought back an old memory of one of the first times I realized my marriage was doomed.
One of my love languages is acts of service. I think I express this a lot in food/cooking actually.
I love food, it means a lot to me actually, but I'm really not picky, so I'm one of those girls that annoyingly says "I don't care" when asked where I want to eat out.
But what the guy doesn't realize is that this isn't us being a 'ridiculous woman that can't make up our minds'.
Its really us expressing that we love you and want you to be happy with where we go much more than we care about what we're craving. We are putting your needs above ours again. When I cook I also tend to give the choicest cut of meat or the biggest portion of food to my loved one.
Hell, I even do this with Jen just cause I love her so much.
It was my act of service.
Even though I really wanted that steak that was cooked on the perfect part of the grill, I will take the charred remains from the center just so you don't have suffer or leave the table the slightest bit still hungry.
When I'm at the grocery store, I only think about what my significant other likes to eat and usually only stock their favorites at my place.
Its just how I am. My act of service is being selfless in the eating department.
The lunchroom theft today just brought back an old memory I thought I was long since over.
One day I was super stressed at work, I was overwhelmed and upset over a mistake I made, and I didn't even have a chance to eat breakfast, so when lunch came around I was super hungry. But in order to get my head above water I decided to work through lunch. I told my ex husband (husband at the time) that I couldn't go out with them today, and as he was leaving for lunch to please pickup something for me at the place him and the other engineers were eating when they were done. He gave me a nod and left.
1:00 rolls around and I feel a little light-headed from not eating, so I wonder if he's made it back yet from lunch. (Engineers are notoriously long lunch breakers). Sure enough he was sitting in his office, sipping on the remainder of a soft drink from his meal and typing away on his computer. The sight of me in his doorway didn't even jog his memory on his neglect. (Isn't there some sort of innate need to provide for their mate in a man's DNA?)I gave him a half-smile and walked away, determined not to let it get to me, that it was just a small oversight.
But as the hours passed and I munched on a few pieces of gum in an effort to dampen the pit in my stomach I thought was food related...I realized that not once had I crossed his mind while he was out at lunch, in order to have completely forgotten.
He didn't know I was stressed, he didn't care I was hungry, and he didn't think me important enough to remember.
This wasn't just one meal. This was a good example of our marriage.
And now, when I think about the man standing in front of the grill helping me cook my current meals. Making sure all pieces are equally cooked, helping me clean the plates afterwards, load the dishwasher, and giving me impeccable sex later that night, I wonder at how I got so lucky with this man, this time around. I don't have to sacrifice as much with my acts of service, because he serves me equally. He loves me equally.
So, next time you're girl says "I don't care," when you're trying to pick a place for dinner. Don't get angry at her. Kiss the hand you are holding, and say "I love you".
Because in essence, this is what she just said to you.
Friday, June 5, 2015
Friday, July 25, 2014
Dating Game Loser
I think its just starting to hit me that I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to dating.
I was just out of the game too long right in the middle of what should have been my prime dating years.
I barely remember how to flirt.
I think it just comes across as sarcastic.
Been on half a dozen horrible dates, most ended up propositioning for sex.
Then there were two exceptions, that completely baffle me.
The first guy I thought might be someone I could see myself dating longer term, never really asked me out again. He still talks to me regularly, hell, even flirts through text, and snapchat, but never takes the initiative to say, meet me here at this time on this date. I guess I was friend zoned and I didn't even know it. Didn't feel like he felt like I was a friend on that first date and the kiss about knocked my socks off.
But hey, I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
I haven't seen him in about 5 months.
The second man is a little older, but I can tell the age difference is a good thing. Finally feel like the man is ready to actually find a good woman and settle down, but at the same time he's willing to take his time. But how slow is too slow? We went on a second date last night and again, the conversation was wonderful, and he's sweet and listens, but he hardly looks at me, like really looks at me. I appreciate the fact that I didn't look up and find him checking out my boobs all night, but I don't really like the fact that he's not looking either. A girl wants to be desired. Plus, hes very hands off. The first date he touched the small of my back once to lead me away from our table and a hug at the end of the night, but nothing else. The second date involved dinner and a movie, and I was so excited to maybe get some hand holding in. But, nothing. He touched my knee for about a minute because I leaned over to say something to him in the movie. But after a few short strokes of my knee (that I'm sad to say was enough to ignite a fire in me anyway), he took his hand away and didn't put it back. I was even sad to say goodbye, when he gave me a short hug and a quick peck on the lips. Just a peck. It seemed more respectful than worshipful. And I really want my lips to be worshiped in a kiss. Still, it left me wanting more. Is that the point? Or am I friend-zoned again?
I get that I may not be the most beautiful woman, have the best figure, or the best banter, but I just want to feel like a woman again. It been so long since I've held hands or had someone touch my knee that I feel like I'm wasting away. Heck, it feels scandalous to get a pedicure and the person massages my feet! Maybe I just need to be patient and see this through slowly, knowing that the longer I wait the more appreciation I'll feel for the right man.
\m/
I was just out of the game too long right in the middle of what should have been my prime dating years.
I barely remember how to flirt.
I think it just comes across as sarcastic.
Been on half a dozen horrible dates, most ended up propositioning for sex.
Then there were two exceptions, that completely baffle me.
The first guy I thought might be someone I could see myself dating longer term, never really asked me out again. He still talks to me regularly, hell, even flirts through text, and snapchat, but never takes the initiative to say, meet me here at this time on this date. I guess I was friend zoned and I didn't even know it. Didn't feel like he felt like I was a friend on that first date and the kiss about knocked my socks off.
But hey, I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
I haven't seen him in about 5 months.
The second man is a little older, but I can tell the age difference is a good thing. Finally feel like the man is ready to actually find a good woman and settle down, but at the same time he's willing to take his time. But how slow is too slow? We went on a second date last night and again, the conversation was wonderful, and he's sweet and listens, but he hardly looks at me, like really looks at me. I appreciate the fact that I didn't look up and find him checking out my boobs all night, but I don't really like the fact that he's not looking either. A girl wants to be desired. Plus, hes very hands off. The first date he touched the small of my back once to lead me away from our table and a hug at the end of the night, but nothing else. The second date involved dinner and a movie, and I was so excited to maybe get some hand holding in. But, nothing. He touched my knee for about a minute because I leaned over to say something to him in the movie. But after a few short strokes of my knee (that I'm sad to say was enough to ignite a fire in me anyway), he took his hand away and didn't put it back. I was even sad to say goodbye, when he gave me a short hug and a quick peck on the lips. Just a peck. It seemed more respectful than worshipful. And I really want my lips to be worshiped in a kiss. Still, it left me wanting more. Is that the point? Or am I friend-zoned again?
I get that I may not be the most beautiful woman, have the best figure, or the best banter, but I just want to feel like a woman again. It been so long since I've held hands or had someone touch my knee that I feel like I'm wasting away. Heck, it feels scandalous to get a pedicure and the person massages my feet! Maybe I just need to be patient and see this through slowly, knowing that the longer I wait the more appreciation I'll feel for the right man.
\m/
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Sassy Niece
Its fun having a niece now, since the other 3 are all boys. They get to wear hair bows and cutsy pink onesies. The personalities are all so different too. Boys just act like boys, but Coralena kind of has an attitude. She'll be beating up the boys in no time.
I found it hilarious that I couldn't get a decent picture out of her. The boys just coo and smile and snapping a shot is easy. She's fierce. Enjoy the captioned interchange:
Her: "NO, I Don't want this STINKING BLANKET! Its HOT!"
Me: "Aww, honey, you are probably chilly aren't you?" (Places blanket back)
Her: "Are you freaking kidding me? I said NO!"
Me: "OMG, this bow is so cute, let me just get one shot with the bow on."
"Huh, it kinda looks like she's flipping me the bird...."
I found it hilarious that I couldn't get a decent picture out of her. The boys just coo and smile and snapping a shot is easy. She's fierce. Enjoy the captioned interchange:
Her: "NO, I Don't want this STINKING BLANKET! Its HOT!"
Me: "Aww, honey, you are probably chilly aren't you?" (Places blanket back)
Her: "Are you freaking kidding me? I said NO!"
Me: "OMG, this bow is so cute, let me just get one shot with the bow on."
"Huh, it kinda looks like she's flipping me the bird...."
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Reunited
I'm finally reunited with my baby, Jane, my Harley 883. I went and got her out of storage two weekends ago and I've been riding her around with the nice weather. Its been chilly today though, and I think its supposed to rain and get cold for another few weeks. I got her a cover, since I live in an apartment and don't have a garage but it hasn't arrived yet.
My poor babies need a garage. Yep, I said babies. I finally got rid of the old red, memory riddled, POS, and I got me another Jeep. A little classier this time, I went with a Liberty. Still 4x4 but a little more passenger friendly than my Wrangler.
I've started my Motorcycle Journey 'buy list' for the trip I'm taking next year. The cover was the first item on my list. I've gotta budget my gear because some of it can be really expensive. Next month I'm getting the 1-person compact tent. April- the go-pro camera, so I can keep my blogging audience updated while I'm on the road (I figured you wouldn't mind having a front row seat when I go over the 7-mile bridge in the keys or come along on HWY 1 in CA). May- compact sleeping bag, June- the motorcycle mounts for the camera and my GPS. July- my new Helmet, I've been using this old helmet now for years and its not quite a perfect fit. August- a new versatile leather Jacket, September I'll do some of the hotel booking for every other night I'm not camping. October I'll buy the motorcycle GPS, November more booking, and December the saddlebags for the bike. I'm so excited about it all. One of my vendors even suggested he set me up with a few riding buddies along the way and a few places to sleep instead of a hotel or on the ground in my tent. I'm not too concerned though, some of my best night's sleep have been under the stars.
\m/
My poor babies need a garage. Yep, I said babies. I finally got rid of the old red, memory riddled, POS, and I got me another Jeep. A little classier this time, I went with a Liberty. Still 4x4 but a little more passenger friendly than my Wrangler.
I've started my Motorcycle Journey 'buy list' for the trip I'm taking next year. The cover was the first item on my list. I've gotta budget my gear because some of it can be really expensive. Next month I'm getting the 1-person compact tent. April- the go-pro camera, so I can keep my blogging audience updated while I'm on the road (I figured you wouldn't mind having a front row seat when I go over the 7-mile bridge in the keys or come along on HWY 1 in CA). May- compact sleeping bag, June- the motorcycle mounts for the camera and my GPS. July- my new Helmet, I've been using this old helmet now for years and its not quite a perfect fit. August- a new versatile leather Jacket, September I'll do some of the hotel booking for every other night I'm not camping. October I'll buy the motorcycle GPS, November more booking, and December the saddlebags for the bike. I'm so excited about it all. One of my vendors even suggested he set me up with a few riding buddies along the way and a few places to sleep instead of a hotel or on the ground in my tent. I'm not too concerned though, some of my best night's sleep have been under the stars.
\m/
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Love is Dark Sometimes
And by dark I mean like Dark Chocolate, bitter and sweet at the same time.
Enjoy your Valentines Day everyone!
Enjoy your Valentines Day everyone!
Monday, February 10, 2014
Weird Sense of Humor
I might have what some people would call an inappropriate sense of humor.
I laugh at the most unfitting situations. The more unsuitable or weird the better.
Like church. I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as I have in a quiet church service, trying to hold it back because you know your mom will bust your ass for acting up. It seems like the situations that call for humor the least are always the ones I can't help but laugh.
Thursday last week was an interesting day at work.
It was around 2:30 and I was filing some paperwork in the other Buyer's office.
The safety specialist goes running down the hallway, and I make a comment to her about "someone must have bumped their head", and immediately start to giggle at the ridiculousness of the situation, even though it probably means someone did get hurt. We hardly ever get a serious situation. Most are bandaid worthy. They make a page over the speaker system shortly after we are he-hawing in her office about having everyone come indoors and go to the breakrooms. This means there is an ammonia leak from the fertilizer plant next door. Instead of quieting down, I start joking about feeling the effects already and we laugh more. About this time, they make another page and tell us to evacuate the premises and drive north ASAP, and I finally have the good sense to shut up.
Emergency vehicles escorted us out of the industrial park.
I feel so bad for having laughed.
Jen gets my silly/weird sense of humor though.
Thats all that matters I guess.
I sent her a Valentine (Its from Game of Thrones):
Our text convos are pretty awesome too:
(Sorry Jen, I use the worst picture of someone in my gallery as everyone's profile pic on my phone.)
It makes it more fun/humorous to receive a phone call with a pic of Jen eating a baby ice cream cone flashing on my screen.
I laugh at the most unfitting situations. The more unsuitable or weird the better.
Like church. I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as I have in a quiet church service, trying to hold it back because you know your mom will bust your ass for acting up. It seems like the situations that call for humor the least are always the ones I can't help but laugh.
Thursday last week was an interesting day at work.
It was around 2:30 and I was filing some paperwork in the other Buyer's office.
The safety specialist goes running down the hallway, and I make a comment to her about "someone must have bumped their head", and immediately start to giggle at the ridiculousness of the situation, even though it probably means someone did get hurt. We hardly ever get a serious situation. Most are bandaid worthy. They make a page over the speaker system shortly after we are he-hawing in her office about having everyone come indoors and go to the breakrooms. This means there is an ammonia leak from the fertilizer plant next door. Instead of quieting down, I start joking about feeling the effects already and we laugh more. About this time, they make another page and tell us to evacuate the premises and drive north ASAP, and I finally have the good sense to shut up.
Emergency vehicles escorted us out of the industrial park.
I feel so bad for having laughed.
Jen gets my silly/weird sense of humor though.
Thats all that matters I guess.
I sent her a Valentine (Its from Game of Thrones):
Our text convos are pretty awesome too:
(Sorry Jen, I use the worst picture of someone in my gallery as everyone's profile pic on my phone.)
It makes it more fun/humorous to receive a phone call with a pic of Jen eating a baby ice cream cone flashing on my screen.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Roll with the Punches
I think I'm a pretty laid back person in general...
But there is that one breaking point when I just fly off the chain:
It was a rough year in 2013, but 2014 doesn't seem to be starting off to such a good start either.
So last year everyone knows I got a divorce. He had sold my baby, the Jeep, just months before, so we were down to just his Toyota Matrix and an old work truck that was a POS. He let me have the Matrix, (money still owed), out of the goodness of his heart. I mostly didn't want to have to buy a car right out of the bag. In Early November I had a low tire at work, thus starting my car fiascos.
I took it to Walmart since its about 3 miles away and they said they couldn't do a repair of course, so I bought 1 tire (they were out of the type of tire I require so I could only get 1 instead of replacing the set). December rolls around and I have another flat. Like really flat. I decide I'm not going to bother with Walmart and take it to a reputable shop here in town. I tell him I've had a few flats lately, and one other looks fishy, but one is just fine (this is odd wearing at different paces.) Sure enough, he calls me that day and says I need new shocks & struts. Plus a buy 3 get one free tire deal, and he throws in an oil change. Goodbye $1300.00. Nice knowing you.
After that things were going fine until we had a really long cold spell, and several of the mornings when we were in the single digits temperature wise I noticed that right after I started my car at the first few stops it acted as though it was wanting to die on me. Sure enough yesterday I was stopped waiting on traffic on a busy street getting ready to pull out and my car dies.
Takes me a full minute with traffic surrounding me to start it again and get going.
This morning one of the tiny cracks that appeared from being behind a semi after they sanded the streets for the icy/snow storms cracked all the way across my windshield just from my putting on the defrost.
At this point, I'm one more malfunction away from becoming a monster.
I am actually considering just having a bunch of friends over so we can destroy the car and get some type of satisfaction and benefit from having the damn thing.
Who wants to come?
\m/
But there is that one breaking point when I just fly off the chain:
It was a rough year in 2013, but 2014 doesn't seem to be starting off to such a good start either.
So last year everyone knows I got a divorce. He had sold my baby, the Jeep, just months before, so we were down to just his Toyota Matrix and an old work truck that was a POS. He let me have the Matrix, (money still owed), out of the goodness of his heart. I mostly didn't want to have to buy a car right out of the bag. In Early November I had a low tire at work, thus starting my car fiascos.
I took it to Walmart since its about 3 miles away and they said they couldn't do a repair of course, so I bought 1 tire (they were out of the type of tire I require so I could only get 1 instead of replacing the set). December rolls around and I have another flat. Like really flat. I decide I'm not going to bother with Walmart and take it to a reputable shop here in town. I tell him I've had a few flats lately, and one other looks fishy, but one is just fine (this is odd wearing at different paces.) Sure enough, he calls me that day and says I need new shocks & struts. Plus a buy 3 get one free tire deal, and he throws in an oil change. Goodbye $1300.00. Nice knowing you.
After that things were going fine until we had a really long cold spell, and several of the mornings when we were in the single digits temperature wise I noticed that right after I started my car at the first few stops it acted as though it was wanting to die on me. Sure enough yesterday I was stopped waiting on traffic on a busy street getting ready to pull out and my car dies.
Takes me a full minute with traffic surrounding me to start it again and get going.
This morning one of the tiny cracks that appeared from being behind a semi after they sanded the streets for the icy/snow storms cracked all the way across my windshield just from my putting on the defrost.
At this point, I'm one more malfunction away from becoming a monster.
I am actually considering just having a bunch of friends over so we can destroy the car and get some type of satisfaction and benefit from having the damn thing.
Who wants to come?
\m/
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