Hunter - (Like the Pharrell song)

Way back in school I remember someone telling me that earning my friendship/trust was like trying to feed a wild deer. They see the food but are really skeptical at first. They think in their deer heads, "I'm starving, but this could be a trick." Then after much coaxing and soft cooing they approach slowly, ready to bolt at the first sign of danger. Then they reach their head out, snatch the snack and trot off to a safe distance to enjoy and contemplate the exchange. After another snack is presented they come back a little more easily and again the next time a little more easily until they pretty much follow you around like a puppy with trust. You forget this is a wild and free animal they are so friendly now. They'll come back day after day waiting on treats until you let them down for a few days with no treats. Sadly one day they do not return and you'll never see your wild animal friend again.

I think I've honed on to this analogy a bit to the point that its unhealthy. Not that I try and act out this weird type of fulfillment of the analogy but it really does kind of fit me to a 't'. (Used to.)

Really anyone's trust should be treated as fragile and delicate, but I think I may have taken my trust to deer level.
I like my deer trust. Its like my gut feelings. They never let me down and they are always protecting me.

My new boyfriend is like a weird contradiction. A hunter and an animal tamer in one.
He watched from a distance, didn't need to approach me, acted all nonchalant, and deer me just ran on over and ate out of his hand on the first attempt.
This terrifies me.
Deer me does not run headfirst toward danger.
But my gut is a traitor too.
It says go on, this guy's freaking awesome.
Deer me doesn't care he wears camo and totes a gun.
Gut agrees with deer.
And actually Melody is reeling.

I don't talk my head off like this new Melody talks. I don't share feelings like this new Melody spouts off.
With every wonderful hunter bear hug, tidbits of Melody get squeezed out. Who is this person? I like new Melody.

This guy is good.
Not good in a 'player' way, but in a wholesome, salt of the earth, I want to bake him a pie and smell his neck and sit as his feet like a happy deer/person should.

He's a Hunter.

"Just because it's the middle of night
That don't mean I won't hunt you down
'Cause up, in, deep inside
It's pullin' me and I want your love
You and I should be gettin' it right
Ain't no sense in you holdin' on down
If I can't have you, nobody can
This an animal singin' that'll hunt you down

I show my teeth
And I hope you know that look in my eyes
I got lightnin' speed
I won't hesitate to rescue what is mine

Well, hold up baby, what's goin' on?
Tell the truth, I wanna know
What you're doin' when we go
Somethin' say you ain't allowed
You say, "Baby keep holdin' on"
What you mean? I've been holdin' on
I ain't ever smelled this before
Somethin' say it's time to go

Just because it's the middle of night
That don't mean I won't hunt you down
'Cause up, in, deep inside
It's pullin' me and I want your love
You and I should be gettin' it right
Ain't no sense in you holdin' on down
If I can't have you, nobody can
This an animal singin' that'll hunt you down

Taxidermy is on my walls
With the full description of the killin' calls
I'm a hunter
Cupid, thank you for what you did
But you can't aim and get what I get
I'm a hunter..."

-Pharrell

You get the point.

Company Theft

Someone stole my lunch from the company break room refrigerator today. Its odd how personal we take things sometimes. Especially since it was clearly marked with my name. I was busy working away while someone was snacking on delicious leftovers from JLs and knowing it belonged to someone else, and that they may not eat lunch today because of it.

Actually, it wasn't the fact that my lunch was stolen that really kind of put a damper on my day. It brought back an old memory of one of the first times I realized my marriage was doomed.

One of my love languages is acts of service. I think I express this a lot in food/cooking actually.
I love food, it means a lot to me actually, but I'm really not picky, so I'm one of those girls that annoyingly says "I don't care" when asked where I want to eat out.
But what the guy doesn't realize is that this isn't us being a 'ridiculous woman that can't make up our minds'.
Its really us expressing that we love you and want you to be happy with where we go much more than we care about what we're craving. We are putting your needs above ours again. When I cook I also tend to give the choicest cut of meat or the biggest portion of food to my loved one.
Hell, I even do this with Jen just cause I love her so much.

It was my act of service.
Even though I really wanted that steak that was cooked on the perfect part of the grill, I will take the charred remains from the center just so you don't have suffer or leave the table the slightest bit still hungry.

When I'm at the grocery store, I only think about what my significant other likes to eat and usually only stock their favorites at my place.
Its just how I am. My act of service is being selfless in the eating department.

The lunchroom theft today just brought back an old memory I thought I was long since over.

One day I was super stressed at work, I was overwhelmed and upset over a mistake I made, and I didn't even have a chance to eat breakfast, so when lunch came around I was super hungry. But in order to get my head above water I decided to work through lunch. I told my ex husband (husband at the time) that I couldn't go out with them today, and as he was leaving for lunch to please pickup something for me at the place him and the other engineers were eating when they were done. He gave me a nod and left.

1:00 rolls around and I feel a little light-headed from not eating, so I wonder if he's made it back yet from lunch. (Engineers are notoriously long lunch breakers). Sure enough he was sitting in his office, sipping on the remainder of a soft drink from his meal and typing away on his computer. The sight of me in his doorway didn't even jog his memory on his neglect. (Isn't there some sort of innate need to provide for their mate in a man's DNA?)I gave him a half-smile and walked away, determined not to let it get to me, that it was just a small oversight.
But as the hours passed and I munched on a few pieces of gum in an effort to dampen the pit in my stomach I thought was food related...I realized that not once had I crossed his mind while he was out at lunch, in order to have completely forgotten.

He didn't know I was stressed, he didn't care I was hungry, and he didn't think me important enough to remember.

This wasn't just one meal. This was a good example of our marriage.

And now, when I think about the man standing in front of the grill helping me cook my current meals. Making sure all pieces are equally cooked, helping me clean the plates afterwards, load the dishwasher, and giving me impeccable sex later that night, I wonder at how I got so lucky with this man, this time around. I don't have to sacrifice as much with my acts of service, because he serves me equally. He loves me equally.

So, next time you're girl says "I don't care," when you're trying to pick a place for dinner. Don't get angry at her. Kiss the hand you are holding, and say "I love you".
Because in essence, this is what she just said to you.