***Caution***

I really shouldn't be allowed to leave the house without wearing a neon hunting vest over bubble wrap, knee & elbow pads, hockey gear, and a helmet.

And I wonder where I get all these bruises all the time, but really I'm a walking disaster zone.
My poor body has been through so much abuse these past few days.
So I've already mentioned my fall at Rocklahoma that resulted in a gigantic bruise covering one whole ass cheek. I've had to lean to the left in my office chair all week trying not to put too much of my weight on it.
Well today was worse.
I started off the day walking down my wet apartment stairs to get to my car. I almost dropped my purse in a puddle and scrambled to catch it and almost fell down a whole flight of stairs...narrowly catching myself and my purse. *Whew, crisis for the day averted*
Nope.
I get to work and munch on my apple. In the middle of one bite I chomp down on my tongue like there is no tomorrow. I guess it wasn't fast enough to dodge my bully teeth. That'll teach it!

Today was a co worker's birthday, so I drove a few of us to lunch. When we get in the parking lot, the rain just lightens up so we jump out and make a run for it, right as the wind picks up, blows my wall of hair right in my face, I'm blind at this point...and I run smack -elbow first- into my car mirror and ping off like a freaking pinball. *INSERT EXPLETIVE*

I walk/run it off to get inside the BBQ place and everyone laughs at my clumsiness. They don't even know the half of it.

Not an hour after we get back from lunch and I'm filing some papers in the PO filing cabinet and scratch my brow. *BAM* nail the other elbow on the way down. At this point I'm looking around wearily at everything within reach like they are rattlesnakes about to bite, walking gingerly and peeking around corners. What seemingly innate and safe but actually extremely dangerous object will attack me next!?!