My Dorkiness Knows No Bounds

So I pretty much came to terms with my dorkiness a long time ago.
I joke with people and say I'm about at the 85th percentile on the scale of dorky.

The comics, the social awkwardness, my laugh (that everyone comments on), the poor eyesight, lack of fashion sense, love of Star Wars, the list goes on.....

Looks like lately I've jumped up to the 90th percentile.
I went to the dentist yesterday, my 6 mo. cleaning.
It was time for the x-rays.
Seems they noticed a bit of change in the surface of my teeth and he tells me I must be 'grinding' my teeth, most likely while I sleep.
This doesn't surprise me, my mom has mentioned several times how she does that. Probably hereditary, just like the horrid migraines and poor eyesight I got from her. "THANKS MOM" ;) I have been having nightmares lately, I wonder if its related?
But then it hits me....
and I bring my hands up to my face as I ask the dreaded question....
OH NO....
"I'm going to have to wear a mouth guard or something aren't I?"
"You need to give it some serious thought, probably have to wear it at night," He says, sealing my fate.
He grins at my crestfallen response.

All I can think of now is that Katy Perry music video for "Last Friday Night." (YouTube it if you haven't seen it) She wears this hideous mouth guard/head gear in it. Ugh. I'm never going to get a date.

I also realized the dorkiness has gotten worse at work today.
Last night I made Spaghetti and meatballs, it was amazing, but I have a ton leftover (hard to cook for 1 person!) I brought it to work to eat for lunch since I'm swamped and wasn't going to take a lunch break.
I sit down at my desk, start to stir it up, look down at my PRISTINE white button-up shirt, and think, "The odds are never in your favor, this will end badly." I cross the room, close my door, and proceed to take off my shirt.
Yes, I ate my delicious leftover Spaghetti and Meatballs in my office with no shirt on.
I decided it was more ridiculous to walk around with sauce splatters on my nice shirt than just eat half-naked in my office.
Makes sense?
95th percentile it is...
\m/

People of Walmart

I really hope God is getting a kick out of my life.
I think I'm living out a great personal comedy right now.

I ordered a couch a few months ago from Mathis Brothers.
Went in and tried out pretty much every single couch that was available.
And by 'try out' I mean sit on, lay on, bounce on, put my feet up, etc.
The poor salesguy was probably rolling his eyes by the end of it.
Out of every model they had in the showroom I picked the one that they didn't have in stock in the warehouse.
So we had to order it.
Boy did they order it.
They had it in stock in Oklahoma City, but my salesman must not have known how to tranfer a model, because somehow he ended up placing a special order for it to be built from the factory.
So instead of having it delivered probably that weekend, I waited a month for it to arrive.
All the while I'm sitting on a bag chair in my new apartment looking like a bum.
Well it finally arrives and they call me the day its supposed to deliver and tell me that they are terribly sorry but there is a tear in the back of it.
They go ahead and bring it out to me but order a replacement, and will come back by to switch them out when the new one is finished.
The delivery guys are HOT! And I mean HOT HOT!
I'm so embarrassed they are coming in my poor little apartment with my sad little bag chair, all I can say is, "yes, and no, and thank you."
Well I'm prepared this time.
The new one comes in recently and I do my hair and fix my makeup all so I don't look so much like a loser, and when they arrive I'm not disappointed in the new crew.
Its going pretty well, we flirt a little, I show them where the tear is in the couch, and one notices my affinity for comics in the decor, and makes a joke about Wolverine getting a hold of it. They leave with the old and to bring up the new, and I immediately text Jen to tell her how hot they are. She texts back asking me to take a pic. I tell her 'no way'. She says just hold the phone up like you are looking at something and snap a little pic on the sly. So when they haul the new couch up, I take my phone and hold it up pensively, acting like I'm checking email and 'click'....my flash goes off....my really freakin bright ass flash.... Busted. They look over confused right as I'm bringing the phone down, and I get a whole lot of counter in my picture. I'm bright red and mortified. They politely ask for my signature on their document and leave.
Ugh.
I just keep getting dorkier.
At Walmart on Sunday I'm in line and notice this cute old couple in front of me wearing matching sweat suits. She's in a pink one, and he's in a grey one:

Its a little hard to see, but at least I remembered to turn off the flash when I creepily took this picture.
Thats when I look down at myself wearing men's sweat pants and a torn wife beater and suddenly realize I'm probably the one people are taking photos of for 'people of walmart' slideshows. Fail.
Either way, it makes me feel a little lonely.
I want someone to wear dorky matching sweatsuits with.
\m/