i miss my mama

*j*

Better Sorry than Safe

I have tried to live my life with the motto of "Better Sorry than Safe" or "No regrets". I have always thought that there is nothing worse than to think back on something and wonder what could have happened. I try to 'do'. I'm a doer. Especially if someone tells me I can't do something. Don't get me wrong, I'm just like every other warm blooded american that has a healthy 'will to live' complex. But 'living' is more to me than just breathing and going day by day in relative comfort. You need to get out of that comfort zone. And for me, its difficult most days. I am considerably shy, and I have that lazy gene in me that would rather sit at home and watch tv than be outside and getting into trouble. But I force myself. And in the end I feel like it was worth it....most days....
And I am extremely bad at continuing to do things that I am not naturally good at. Things I have to learn to get proficient.

I really want to learn a martial art. Jen and I have been talking about it for months. But I keep getting in this slump.
It will be hard.
It will be humiliating at times (since we will be in a kids class, probably with parents around)
It will be physically demanding, and time consuming.

Deep down though, I think it would be an amazing experience. One that I could share with my great friend.

I just have to force myself to do it. Get off my ass and do something worthwhile.
Just do it Melody.
Just do it.


Hehe.
\m/

The Ideal Woman

When did society's image of women get so skewed?

Today on the morning news there was a story about a Ralph Lauren model who was fired for being too fat.
They interviewed her and she said she had no idea why she was fired. She was hired about 10 years ago at the age of 15 and she was about 5'11", 119 lbs! To those who don't know, that is probably about a size 4. Today she is 120lbs. But now she is considered too large.

Large...at 120 lbs....

Oh lord, I think I might have a fit.

Back in the day women with a little meat on their bones were considered the most beautiful women.

Take Botticelli for instance. He painted some of the most iconic images of women ever. They were the opitomy of what was considered feminine.



I see a little pooch there, don't you?

And Marilyn Monroe, considered to be one of the sexiest women who ever lived...
a size 10!



WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY THAT WE idolize models who are anorexic skinny bean poles?

\m/

"money isn't everything"

I was talking to a good friend today about how i could have (maybe) made more money if i had pursued a career in singing, instead of doing bill of material editing in pryor, ok. He made the comment that 'money isn't everything.' Now i know he wasn't saying this to chastise me, but just to make his point that that's not what's really important in life. Which i completely agree with. Which brings me to my point: How come my wealthier friends always say things like that? It doesn't really make me mad, but i do feel like issuing a gentle reminder to those who have been financially blessed: that while money may not be everything, it sure makes life a whole hell of a lot easier! People who worry about paying all your bills each month will be able to understand this.

*j*

reveal thyself, coward

the worst thing about being talked about by someone else is when you don't know exactly who said the gossip. it's like having a faceless enemy, and the only thing you can do is keep living your life the best way you know how, and pray others won't judge you for it or misconstrue something perfectly innocent and harmless. it's interesting to me how relationships can be destroyed so easily on hearsay. of course, if that's all it takes to destroy a relationship, then i guess there wasn't much to it in the first place. interesting conclusion...
*j*

Weird, I’m just plain weird.

So, I realized this morning that I have this weird habit of picturing the people around me in medieval times.
Yes, you did just read that.
I picture everyone around me in medieval times and wonder what they would be like.
Would they have survived?
Instead of the shop worker/laborer in our times, would they have been king back then?
I think this is rooted in the mere fact that I believe I was born in the wrong time period. So I guess I like to think on those times as much as any historian with an obsession. Also, I’m an avid reader, and have always had a proclivity for the medieval and renaissance periods.
So, while in one of my numerous meetings this week, and stemming from the fact that Jen has been gone all week (I might be going a little mad), I started fantasizing about the people being time-warped into the past.
Like this huge bulky shop supervisor. He isn’t fat, just enormous in proportion. His hands are gigantic, his stature is imposing. He’s not a bad looking fellow either, and I was thinking that if he were in medieval times he would probably be some sort of gladiator or famous warrior that throngs of women worshipped or men followed into battle to die with.
But here in Pryor, OK in 2009, he is a shop worker, nothing all that significant about him except perhaps the missing potential I see of him having lived a thousand years ago.
What am I in this fantasy of the past?
I think I would be either the puppeteer behind a politician of those times. You know, like Guinevere to the King Arthur. I would be the real brains and savvy behind the reign. (Ahem…Minus the little infidelity part with Lancelot…) Or I would be like Joan of Arc, and be a national heroine, with no holds barred, willing to die for my convictions.
But here in Pryor, OK in 2009, I’m a glorified secretary. Yes, I’m not afraid to admit it. I’m everyone’s gopher. But hey, you got a question about Excel, I’m your girl. (I’m just hiding the sword underneath my blouse.)

\m/

I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR

I'm taking this post to analyze myself today.

Its become increasingly clear that I have some sort of overcompensation issues. Its kind of like a feminine napoleon complex. I've grown seeking out the male dominated areas of life.

Not for some psycho-sexual reasons, but for the need to prove to myself and everyone around me that I can do as much, and/or, just as well, as a man. My father was the root of this, I just know it.

It started with me having to prove myself to him as being as tough/or as good as a son would have been. I sought out his approval and only seemed to gain a small portion of it by excelling at all things masculine. I worked outside with him doing manual labor, roofed, mowed, dug, climbed, built, and tore down. I was a tom-boy. This isn't a rare thing. I'm sure Jen can relate. Having a tough father, makes us tough. The few times I did receive some sort of praise, or attention was after I completed some arduous task that most would akin to a man's job.

Thus started my competitive nature. I had to excel. Nothing less would do. I absolutely hate not being good at something, most specifically sports. 11 years of soccer followed, tournaments and competitions monopolized my life. I liked to get dirty, let out aggression, and I liked to win. What else was there?

I then proceeded to get involved with the School band. I remember the day in 5th grade quite clearly. We all got to pick what instrument we would like to play for the next 7 years. All the girls in my class went to the lines for the flutes and clarinets. This automatically made me dislike them, because if all the other girls were doing them, then it was too easy.

I picked the line with all the boys. I picked the trumpet. The section that was 90% percent dominated by boys. Something down deep in me needed to conquer this as well, just so I would know that I was as good as the boys. There were never more than 2 or three girls in the trumpet section, even as it progressed into high school. I became known as the trumpet mama. And as I got older it seemed that being in Male dominated groups turned out to be in my favor. I not only got along better with guys than I did with girls, I also got more opportunities to date.

These weird tendencies died off when I got to college. I became more independent and got to know myself. I was more comfortable just being me, instead of trying to top everyone.

Recently I noticed that I am again trying to prove myself. I think it has to do with the situation I find myself in. I'm 24, been married for 3 years, and working in a male dominated profession. HVAC/Engineering/Production. My husband is an engineer, and I am constantly trying to prove to him that I am as smart as he is. Which probably isn't so, and never will be. But I hate feeling inferior. Especially when the wife is expected to clean the house, do the dishes, cook, and also keep a full time job, while the husband just gets to sit around at home after work. This is how Joe believes the world works, and its caused much distress on our marriage. He must like a challenge.

So I just recently got a conceal carry license, and just not two days ago bought a ninja 250cc motorcycle. I'm doing it again. I'm trying to be one of the guys. Lord help me... I enjoy it! I like my bike, and I like guns, dirt, and the lake, and comic books. I like camping out, and hiking and fishing. Why is it that these things are considered boy things?

I think I'm normal, and the world is F-ed up.

Okay, maybe not..... \m/