Way back in school I remember someone telling me that earning my friendship/trust was like trying to feed a wild deer. They see the food but are really skeptical at first. They think in their deer heads, "I'm starving, but this could be a trick." Then after much coaxing and soft cooing they approach slowly, ready to bolt at the first sign of danger. Then they reach their head out, snatch the snack and trot off to a safe distance to enjoy and contemplate the exchange. After another snack is presented they come back a little more easily and again the next time a little more easily until they pretty much follow you around like a puppy with trust. You forget this is a wild and free animal they are so friendly now. They'll come back day after day waiting on treats until you let them down for a few days with no treats. Sadly one day they do not return and you'll never see your wild animal friend again.
I think I've honed on to this analogy a bit to the point that its unhealthy. Not that I try and act out this weird type of fulfillment of the analogy but it really does kind of fit me to a 't'. (Used to.)
Really anyone's trust should be treated as fragile and delicate, but I think I may have taken my trust to deer level.
I like my deer trust. Its like my gut feelings. They never let me down and they are always protecting me.
My new boyfriend is like a weird contradiction. A hunter and an animal tamer in one.
He watched from a distance, didn't need to approach me, acted all nonchalant, and deer me just ran on over and ate out of his hand on the first attempt.
This terrifies me.
Deer me does not run headfirst toward danger.
But my gut is a traitor too.
It says go on, this guy's freaking awesome.
Deer me doesn't care he wears camo and totes a gun.
Gut agrees with deer.
And actually Melody is reeling.
I don't talk my head off like this new Melody talks. I don't share feelings like this new Melody spouts off.
With every wonderful hunter bear hug, tidbits of Melody get squeezed out. Who is this person? I like new Melody.
This guy is good.
Not good in a 'player' way, but in a wholesome, salt of the earth, I want to bake him a pie and smell his neck and sit as his feet like a happy deer/person should.
He's a Hunter.
"Just because it's the middle of night
That don't mean I won't hunt you down
'Cause up, in, deep inside
It's pullin' me and I want your love
You and I should be gettin' it right
Ain't no sense in you holdin' on down
If I can't have you, nobody can
This an animal singin' that'll hunt you down
I show my teeth
And I hope you know that look in my eyes
I got lightnin' speed
I won't hesitate to rescue what is mine
Well, hold up baby, what's goin' on?
Tell the truth, I wanna know
What you're doin' when we go
Somethin' say you ain't allowed
You say, "Baby keep holdin' on"
What you mean? I've been holdin' on
I ain't ever smelled this before
Somethin' say it's time to go
Just because it's the middle of night
That don't mean I won't hunt you down
'Cause up, in, deep inside
It's pullin' me and I want your love
You and I should be gettin' it right
Ain't no sense in you holdin' on down
If I can't have you, nobody can
This an animal singin' that'll hunt you down
Taxidermy is on my walls
With the full description of the killin' calls
I'm a hunter
Cupid, thank you for what you did
But you can't aim and get what I get
I'm a hunter..."
-Pharrell
You get the point.
